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Below are the 7 most recent journal entries.

	2005.05.24  23.07 Oh moon grow bright and make this endless day...endless night Tonight If only that mattered. heh

	2005.02.09  23.36 one time, i killed a man. WITH A SPATULA

	2005.02.02  10.57 So tell me what I'm missing because I can't seem to find it. I don't know why people would want to try and hide it. And I look to my friends, and so they smile at me But all I see are masks of what people want to be So Go Johnny, Go go, As long as no one else knows. And I'm looking for that person who just wont seem to care. Who will laugh with me, cry with me, even when I'm not there.

	2005.01.24  00.08 The Joliets Feb. 20th, @ the Saint. 2:30 Contact Me, Smitty, Jeff, Dinap, Lazzlo, or Kevin Chu for tickets. BE THERE BITCHES

	2005.01.22  22.51 Done. I'm confused with myself...in about ten different ways. moving on, I'm rediscovering my jazz and my trumpet, Been playing for hours a day now. AHHHHHH TOO CRAZY

	2004.12.12  02.24 I stopped using my LiveJournal. but. ive decided to post something today. I'm about to collapse. i havent slept in three nights now. doing work. schoolwork. i cant take this anymore someone come kidnap me and take me to a secluded area with pillows. I realise, i couldve done a lot of this stuff earlier. but circumstances happen, and its not so much a matter of procrastination as it is just plain tons of work with bad timing. i cant handle it anymore. monday night i pulled an all nighter studying. and tuesday night i made it to 4:45 before collapsing. today, wednesday, i didnt go to school and ive been working believe it or not...all day. and its looking to be all night. its 2:30 in the morning. tell me, am i allowed to collapse? and my dad. my dad never knows when to just stop saying things. i know its most likely my fault and that i couldve done this earlier. but ive been constantly working for three days striaght now. and im not even exagerating. he always has to yell at me for something. i cant take it anymore. i want to do absolutely nothing. heh. nothing. ill enjoy the sound of silence.

	2004.10.18  20.11 Ive decided. I want to do performing arts. for the rest of my life. Whether its playing music, writing music, writing scripts, doing theatre, acting (if im good enough), singing (if im good enough), acting and singing, playing trumpet on broadway, or just playing trumpet in a band... ...I need to do this. for the rest of my life. its what i enjoy, even if im not good at it. I realise this is the most unstable carreer choice ever, but that me. unstable. lol. and i want to do it all at some point or another. i need to try it all. do it all. experience it all. or else ill never rest peacefully in my grave. ive realised...i dont care about being a famous actor or singer...i jsut want to sing or act... i dont care about playing trumpet and being THE best there is, with the most album sales....i just want to play and i want to do it soon. the sooner i get rid of academics, the sooner i can do this. goddamnit. im lost, i have no idea how im gonna be able to do this. its not what my parents want me to do...i need some kind of academic carreer and subject to study in college to please them....i wont. gosh darnit. lol. ja, i feel so totally focused and so totally lost at the same time. this revelation is clarifying and overwhelming at the same time. i cant handle it. =) its just that singular sensation. Mood: That Singular Sensation: Again Music: PAT BENATAR!!!! HELLS YEAH SHE ROCKS